I have always been a cowardly, sheltered kid. I'm not sure whether it was driven by my parents' ideology that I shouldn't huddle with the neighboring kids, perhaps for fear of bad influence, or the fact that they're mostly delinquents. I think it's just the immaturity of being a kid at play here, but, like any other kid, I clung to that vain, lovely object of mine, which I would continue to do even at the dawn of my adulthood, even when the spark that fueled it has long been consumed by the trail of growing up and attempting to tidy up my childishness, which perhaps I failed to do.

It manifested in the encounters I've experienced too. While a lot of them are truly random, there is, perhaps, a scent at play. A scent that you like and that soothes you. Not just you, but a few familiar figures in your life, and that's possibly why you walk together. But eventually it does dissipate, or there's a stronger scent, or there's a putrid one and it repulses you. It can't be helped, but it did linger for a while, and it was pleasant.

As it continues to happen, shadowy figures persist in greeting and walking after me, as I carry a part of a silhouette that was once familiar to me, a shade that once cooled me down in the heat of midsummer days. Although it's been gone for a while, I think it's a sentimental piece of rubbish that is dear to me.

But I'm not sure how they manage to walk away like that. No, not out of envy or sorrow, but out of curiosity. How do they gain the will, strength and motivation to walk forward? As I question it and wonder about my immaturity, this body of mine continues to stretch and so does the passage of time. After all this time, I could suppress what I think but not this vessel that holds me up …

And maybe I will continue to feel that way. I'll continue to feel like my body is catching up to me before my mind permits it. Maybe this precious rubbish that I've gathered didn't help me, but at least it was a mark that I did try to crawl, walk, and run. And I'm sure I will keep stumbling along the way. But I'll try to find a scent that I will appreciate and hold on to. When that day finally comes, will it be the aroma of apricot ? ...